Heres it Bee!

so yes sir heres it bee...this heres just a quik msg...or not. why tho? why does it do it? he acts like he wants to drink and hang out with me, when i don't even want to drink with him anymore. he is boring. he goes to sleep early. then i end up by myself. i want to begin hanging out with new people. i don't want to stay here anymore. this is lame.

Days of the Bloat

Hello. I sit in total denial, alone, at my table, while sipping on a milkshake. Lately I have been living this nuetral existence, where I am not one thing or the other. I am just in nuetral land, chowing down on whatever comes by way, whether it be bacon and cheddar cheeseburgers, (thanks sis), or french toast patted with butter and maple syrup, here I am...living, and eating. Eating, sighing, and living. 

I don't suppose I will ever sequester myself into actually coming up with that foundation I need. I am sort of stuck in this...bloated limbo. My muffin top is constantly sticking out of my once fitting jeans, and I am constantly picking and pulling up my pants. I am not living in comfort, clothes wise, I am living in bloatland, more or less. Not to mention the alchohol. Oh boy! The alchohol, my only friend it seems. 

I drudge through the week, mindlessly gazing at one daytime television show to the next. My eyes stare endlessly at unimportant Facebook posts, while it seems like everyone else has a life, (albeit they are all still posting and updating their statuses..), I, on the other hand, am living in a sort of deserted island...Bloatland. 

As I said, sometimes I drink. My drink of choice is red wine. I will buy a box of red wine and just drink glass after glass, perusing online, making drunken comments and then deleting them when I come too. Sometimes, when I get that buzz going on, I will go to the bathroom and just cry.

I will then look at myself in the mirror, my mousy dirty blonde lackluster locks, my pudgy, ruddy face, and my dark, smudged eyeliner rimmed sockets staring back at me. Yes, sockets. I have no eyes. Just eternal pits. Lost, eternal pits.

Welcome.......to my world...

(points arms to my world)

welcome. (nods head solemnly)

In the next few days, weeks, months, you will, (shall you choose), embark with me on this stoic journey, of me following dirt-ridden breadcrumbs through a totally stale world.

What will happen? Where will I go? What shoes shall I wear? 

I do not know!? You do not know!? We do not know. He do not know. 

Lest, we will see!

Ciau, for now. Oh, btw...my name is Amanda. Well, you can call me Mandy. I am 26 years old and I live with....my cat. Do I work? Yeah, I mean, I do. Do I like my job? Well, no...I do not. I cannot stand that moment I get into the parking lot, to my cruddy job at the thrift store. 

Oh man, yeah...the thrift store. Haha! Ok well, I will write more later. For now...(guides hand to the door)...."That is the door...to my world. Once you cross it, well...you are stuck..I mean...oh heck here I am, drinking again! LOL!"

ok well, bye bye for now! *waves*        

bye! (guides hands to the door)...nods. mm hmm...

"Yep, that is the door. To my world. Looks rather bleak, doesn't it. Looks..rather bleak..."